Who'd have thought that the famed Elf on the Shelf would find his way onto Santa's naughty list?
"Lies!" you may exclaim. "Elfy is an upstanding citizen of the North Pole, and is prohibited by Elf Law to partake in any scandalous activity." WRONG. We have irrefutable proof that he is, indeed, a scoundrel.
1. He Throws Keggers with Sorority Barbies
Yes, that's right. Elf is... *GASP*... a bro.
2. He Gives Perverted Christmas Gifts
This one's DIY.
"It's easy to do just follow these steps:
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box "
3. He Gets Blood Everywhere
4. He Worships the Dark Lord
Wait until Santa hears about this!
5. He Gets Busted
"I swear I didn't know- the fat man told me it was just snow!"
6. He Holds Disney Princesses for Ransom
"Someday your prince will come, or an evil queen will be the least of your problems!"
7. He Robs Banks
Say goodbye to little Sally's allowance!
8. He Hunts Reindeer
And he drinks Starbucks out of the white cup! Sacrilege!
9. He Pursues Amateur Barbering
10. He Abuses Substances
Elf, that's not what we meant by a "white Christmas."
11. He Leaves a Bad Taste in Your Mouth
EW!!! Absolutely no appreciation for personal hygiene.
12. He Defecates on Your Cookies
Guess where Hershey Kisses really come from?
13. He Definitely Watches Too Many Scary Movies
Will the horror ever stop?!
14. He Slaughters Innocent Snowmen
What did they ever do to you? You monster!
15. He 'Overindulges'
That explains the glassy eyes and deranged smile...
16. He Cavorts with Members of High Society
The Queen was such a responsible, mild-mannered lady... until she met him.
17. He Specializes in Family Planning
That's just pure evil!
18. He Enjoys Adult Entertainment
But the real tragedy? We spoke to Stripper Barbie, and it turns out Elfy is a terrible tipper.
19. He Employs Cruel and Unusual Punishment Techniques
Frosty wasn't expecting to have such a "grate" time.
20. He Makes XXX Home Movies